If you have not watched this movie yet, you should look for a cliff and throw yourself off of it, or hit your head on the wall until you do.
Considering that Hollywood releases thousands of movies a year, and by the time they get to Kenya, they are in their tens of thousands because of additions from Nollywood, Bollywood, Riverwood and Just Wood (I made the last one up, if it existed it would produce gay porn), it is possible that you have not. But then again, with 50 bob moviestalls being the newest business in town, you don’t have to go to the movies to stay entertained.
Paul the Alien is a 2011 movie I can only describe as funny and fresh (no movie can knock it off that pedestal yet, I have watched it four times). The storyline is simple: two British geeks are on pilgrimage to all those places where people have sighted UFOs. They accidentally encounter a cocky alien outside Area51 and he takes them on a mad adventure. The entire story is on the road to the site where a spaceship will land to get Paul, the smart-ass alien. It is a mad race from federal agents, and a deranged father of a young girl they kidnapped. Paul has been held captive for sixty years since his spaceship crash-landed in Area 51 and he is now one run from his captors.
I know it’s hard to picture a cocky alien but Paul is one smart-ass you haven’t witnessed before:
Graeme Willy: You are an alien!
Paul: To you I am, yes.
Graeme Willy: Are you gonna probe us?
Paul: *Why* does everyone always assume that? What am I doing? Am I harvesting farts? How much can I earn from an ass?
and what would happen if they caught him?
Graeme Willy: Paul, what happens if you get caught?
Paul: Graeme, they are going to cut out my brain… Yeah it’s fucked… kinda a buzz kill… Let’s lighten the mood, shall we? Clive when did you last get laid?
Paul will overturn everything you think you know about aliens, a completely new perspective:
Clive Gollings: What if we wake up and find him inserting a probe into our anus?
Graeme Willy: Well apparently they don’t do that.
Paul: [Paul wiggles his finger inside the hole of a bagel] Anyone want one of these? Yeah? Anyone?
That last part was my favourite, but if you don’t like Paul, I think you have something against cocky aliens.
Paul: [Paul is posing on the couch as Graeme prepares to draw him] Are you gonna draw me like your French girls, Jack?
[blows a kiss]
Or daft FBI agents:
Paul: [after getting frisked inappropriately by O’Reilly] Get your goddamn hands off my motherfuckin’ junk!
O’Reilly: [Runs and screams outside of gift shop to Haggard] It’s in there! It’s in there!
I love this particular part where he scares two rednecks:
Paul: [to two rednecks] Hey fucknuts! Probing time.
I also think the geeks are somewhat demented
Clive Gollings: They’re going to rape us and break our arms!
Graeme Willy: I don’t want my arms broken.
And did I mention that Paul does weed?
Paul: [Lighting a joint and takes a hit] Do you guys partake?
Graeme Willy: No. Thank you.
Ruth Buggs: I’ll partake.
Paul: Are you sure? It’s pretty strong shit. I get it from the military. I think this is the stuff that killed Dylan.
Graeme Willy: Bob Dylan’s not dead.
Paul: [smiles] Isn’t he?
There are tens of lines that will make you laugh when watching Paul, and you can’t help thinking maybe aliens aren’t so bad after all.
Graeme Willy: How come I can understand you? Are you using some neural language router?
Paul: Actually I’m speaking English you fucking idiot!
And then he says:
Paul: This is America. Kidnapping a Christian is worse than harboring a fugitive.
I know this is not a standard movie review, but there are very few movies I have watched more than once and wished I could watch for the first time again.
If by the end of it you don’t like little green guys, get a refund.
Last modified: February 3, 2020