10 Tools to Show your Bananas that You Love Them

Bananas will take over the world. Bananas will live forever, even aliens and cats will bow down to bananas.

Proof of evolution, and the official mascot of the list

Proof of evolution, and the official mascot of the list

Most of the tools described here are meant for children below six and psychopaths, and since your mother has allowed you to access the internet, and your mother is a responsible woman then it only follows that you should be reading this on your way to therapy.
#10  FC-305 Banan Plantain Slicing Machine, Pepper Slicing Machine (FC-305)

This is by far the heaviest tool here, and the most expensive, and the least nifty.

Trust this one to come from China, and from the comments to that video, there is a big market for this slicing machine also named by the laziest person ever. Since this is made in and marketed from China, we can guess that the below minimum wage branding guy felt that removing one vowel was enough. What should worry us more is that an exectutive or gang of them agreed to the death of a vowel. granted, someone must have thought the ‘a’ appears one time too many.

You probably need a license for this too...

You probably need a license for this too…

This tool goes for USD 1350-USD 1750, depending on…it is 100kg and has a capacity of 500-800kg per hour.

#9 -Banana Slicer

all-in-one-banana-split-tool-6
You need this tool because, well, because you will need to slice bananas really fast when the Zombie Apocalypse makes human settlement impossible. You will need to slice them while on the move, and this tool can make that task easy.

Its a quick, painless death, why should the bananas suffer?

Its a quick, painless death, why should the bananas suffer?

“Slice an entire banana with one quick motion. Kids love slicing their own bananas. Safer than a knife. Made from dishwasher safe material.”
Mrs. Toledo here who will tell you how much it has helped her marriage
Mrs. Toledo
or user SW3K here who will attest to how much the banana slicer 571B links with the criminal justice system.
it even has a military endorsement

Roswell, now you know what the aliens brought.

Roswell, now you know what the aliens brought.

Although some are not satisfied

We might need species specific slicers

You can view more reviews here.
There are very many other models in this class of banana tools including the Amco 3 in 1 Banana Split tool  that does more than just split, it also peels and cuts your banana so you can save time.

 

#8 Chef’n Banana Banana Slicer

You might need to put this in the pre-nup.

You might need to put this in the pre-nup.

Apart from being named by the laziest creative on this line of branding teams, this tool is unique because all you need to do is ‘hold over a bowl and squeeze’ and slice bananas in seconds.

Chef bananza” A hole in the device has been manufactured with different species and sizes of bananas in mind, so that any one can be slipped inside to undergo systematic slicing.” (Sir, its okay to say you were experimenting and you sliced off something that should not have been in the Chef in the first place)

#7 Banana Peeler

First, I don’t mean the slang, urban-dictionary sanctioned meaning of the banana peeler.

Calm your bananas...

Calm your bananas…

Or this one whose function I am either too stupid to understand or someone in the brand team was too lazy to think up something unique
If you have a habit of not unseeing things, do not watch the video below

#6 Koziol Bananenschäler Fips transparent rot/Koziol Banana Peeler Fips transparent red

First, stop whatever it is you are doing with your life and know this, you need this tool!

It will change the way you understand your banana...

It will change the way you understand your banana…

When you click on that link, google translate will tell you that the line
“Der kleine Affe knackt die Banane , hilft beim Entfernen der weichen Streifen und kann auch noch die braunen Stellen weglöffeln.” directly (contextually) translates to “Ideal for children . The monkey (Contextually, the banana ‘opener’ is designed like a monkey) breaks the banana , helps remove the soft stripes and can also weglöffeln the brown spots”
it comes in other colors.

Gizmodo doesn’t think it is cool but Gizmodo is wrong, except the part where they say bananas are ‘Mother nature’s most perfect food.

Meanwhile, outside your kitchen window...

Meanwhile, outside your kitchen window…

#5 The Banana Saver Clip

Cock your banana, save it from oxidization!

Cock your banana, save it from oxidization!

If there’s any entry that has made it here more for being cute than because of any functionality, its the Banana Saver Clip (we can find about two legal uses, and five illegal ones, for entry #1).

The Banana Kamasutra...

The Banana Kamasutra…

What is interesting about the Saver Clip is not that it helps keep half eaten bananas fresh by posing as the complete banana but that it has an economic angle.

Buying this will save the world economy...

Buying this will save the world economy…

It belongs to the line of fruit savers, saving us all from wanton spending, one banana at a time.

#4 Banana Measuring Device

I call this the ‘banandom’ because, well, see below…

The How To Manual for this one must be PG-rated...

The How To Manual for this one must be PG-rated…

You should not be cheated into buying shorter or longer bananas again! Get this, and no, a condom with random markings will not work (we checked and discovered that in addition to not being functional, it also makes the bananas impossible to peel).

#3 Banana Protectors

This is different from the banandom, just check

We have now escalated from protection to the real thing, okay, the real replica of the thing..

We have now escalated from protection to the real thing, okay, the real replica of the thing..

Banana Guard does two things, it keeps your bananas from bruising each other and one of them even glows in the dark. I will go ahead and say here that a glowing banana is creepy but cool, and there’s also the fact that it looks like something kinky.
The guy who created it, David Agulik, is an emergency room doctor, which makes this product the more suspicious. What is it that he has seen in the course of his work that made it a matter of life and death to have the BananaGuard?
There’s also the Banana fruit suit  “Protect your banana and it will be grateful; that is, until you eat it.” The evil laugh at the end is implied….

It is called the Banana Bunker, which just sounds like a yet-to-be released Durex line...

It is called the Banana Bunker, which just sounds like a yet-to-be released Durex line…

In this family you also have the Banana Bunker whose designer was a tad bit too inspired by something else
You can find it in different poses, colors and designs at the official website.

Here is how to use it

#2 Dazzling Banana

Trust the Japanese to try and spoil the party by making something that is more functional than everyone else.
You know how the Japanese like to throw the word ‘psuedo’ around because it ends with a vowel and its a model of something real?

Bananas in Japan seem awkwardly short too, hhhmmm, the Japanese gods are allergic to length?

Bananas in Japan seem awkwardly short too, hhhmmm, the Japanese gods are allergic to length?

Dazzling Banana does not peel bananas,heck, its not even the real thing!

It just “…creates the sensation that one is peeling a banana, and that’s not all, it has sound effects to go with the sensation….”
This crazy contraption actually simulates peeling a banana, it has a built in speaker which makes the experience more realistic.

Japanese designer, this how true banana look like. This how 2 real banana look like, look, learn, bow.

Japanese designer, this how true banana look like. This how 2 real banana look like, look, learn, bow.

#1 WikiHow
Yes, we have a DIY website as a tool.

Dramatization...

Dramatization…

There is a whole WikiHow page dedicated to the art of peeling a banana.
There are 9 (known and legal) ways to peel a banana and surprisingly, using the other tools on this list is not listed as one of them.

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…surprisingly, no mention on how to peel ‘boneless’ bananas…

You can learn how to do it like a monkey
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=nBJV56WUDng

The fact that video above has had 4 million views should count for something (ignoring the fact that he is wearing monkey pants).

The Throwing Method takes the cake, sorry, banana.

LOVE THY BANANAS!

  • Is that banana peeler commercial for the urban meaning or the actually meaning? Haha it’s hard to tell.

  • I know you do love your bananas….but some of these contraptions are creepy,let it end at the slicer!!! Smh!! Lol!!